Though You Slay Me
I just finished watching this video not 2 minutes ago and it really cut to the core. Many of you are familiar with some of the pain that Angela and I have experienced through the past years with loss of our two children through miscarriages. It is something that I feel the pain of everyday. I find myself at times struggling with understanding why Christ chose us to go through this suffering. Through these times of struggle I am admittedly very critical of people when I see posts on social media praising God when things are going well. Why do I never see posts about God’s faithfulness during times of pain, and well, HELL? Why do I feel like people are only willing to show off our God in times of victory and joy? And then it hits me. Where was I when Angela and I were suffering? Was I posting about God’s faithfulness? Was I praising Him and His sovereign grace during the times of hell? No, I was cowering behind the pain and hurt hoping for pity and comfort, instead of proclaiming that Our God is Sovereign and there is nothing that happens outside of His will. He planned the miscarriages for His glory and honor.
Right now, Angela and I are in the midst of raising support to be missionaries in Bogotá, Colombia. I never thought that it would be as hard and as challenging as it really has become. We struggle everyday to be motivated to call people and ask them to support us on this journey. We struggle with comparing ourselves to others; it seems they have not struggled in raising the support like we have. But one thing that I know is true, Christ intends this time of struggle, this time of doubt, and pain for His glory. He is sovereign in the timing of when we get to 100% and are able to go to Bogotá. So we are to honor him in the way we work towards that goal.
These past two years have sucked. There has been some extreme hurt and disappoint in our lives. Though we may be slain, Christ is ultimately glorified and given praise.
“Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.” ~ Habakkuk 3:17-19